One door closes and another one opens....

"Oh keep my soul and deliver me; Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait on You."

- Psalm 25:20,21

I probably will not continue this blogspot now that I am done with the radiation and believe I am healed. I will have the port removed on July 3rd and a final check up. I am hoping to find a new integrative physician to do follow up exams and will continue my promise to take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. Thank you all my prayer warriors for reading my blog and sharing in prayer and in my journey. I will continue adding to my original blogspot... http://desertfishinn.blogspot.com/ if you like checking up on what's happening with me :) My new job at the golf course looks like its going to require lots of prayer and patience. Perhaps I am not meant to do it? I am committed to the month of July and will ask God to lead me and guide me. He has a plan and I desire the peace He provides when I live in accordance with His will.

His Way at the Workplace

I was restless last night, my mind milling over the people/personalities at the golf course. Lord, use me to bring peace and your wisdom to my new workplace. Help me to not get sucked into bad mouthing other employees and show me how to deal with that situation in others ~ show me the higher ground.

"Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." - Proverbs 21:23

New Found Energy

I had a wonderful day today! I am definitely healing! I took Zander for an early walk and watched the sunrise out in the desert, I worked in the pro shop for a couple hours, got a lot done around the house, and even chipped golf balls up and down the 18th fairway this evening. Hallelujia!

Happy Birthday, Lyndee Michelle !

Today is Lyndee's 21st birthday. I wish I could hug her in person, she gives the best hugs. She is in Bend today sharing her day with friends. I am sure she will brighten the day of whoever she is with ~ somehow she always seems to do that.

He Knows

"For your Father in heaven knows the things you have need of

before you ask Him." - Matthew 6:8

With this sunset came a healing peace for me tonight. A neighbor brought me over dinner and I feel God around me and working through people to comfort me. It was a restful and healing day and I am thankful.

A Work in Progress

"As Christians we know in theory at least, that in the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all the seemingly pointless and undeserved sufferings, have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, his own lovely character."

~Hannah Hurnard

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And Downward I Go... Again :(

Radiation seems to have taken its final toll on my body ~ I won't describe the disgusting symptoms, but I sure could use prayer for healing!

"...Pray for one another that you may be healed. The efffective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." - James 5:16

A Future and a Hope

I met with Dr Cohen last night and my new final radiation treatment date is this Thursday! Mom and I both were tearful as we realized we really are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. There was a huge, beautiful rainbow across the horizon when we got home, a wonderful confirmation of His goodness. Again, I was brought to tears and standing by myself in the driveway, I hollered out "Thank You, Lord!" In the book of Ruth, after journeying to another country and losing her husband and sons, Naomi tells people to call her by a different name (Mara) as she was a changed person. I kind of feel like that, too, that I have undergone an enormous transformation through my journey, and I am now a different person. I won't be changing my name~ but I hope a new light will be visible shining through me.

:":":":":":":":":
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find me,when you search for me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13

Reaching forward by letting go of the past

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Phil. 3:13,14

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This scripture reminded me that I still have "stuff" that I need to release to Him... this was my journal entry this morning:

Lord, help me to forgive myself for wrong attitudes I have harbored in the past. 'Create in me a clean heart, O God'. I pray for peace with my life in Dayville ~ may our Inn sell and may we leave there knowing we made it a better place. Help me to let go of my resentment with RW and the City Council ~ free me from the bondage of feeling wronged. Thank You for the assurance of victory!

~**~*~*~*~*~**~

Unselfish Love

Mom, Paul and I attended church in Sunsites today and the two of them tended to my weeds and my roses and my irrigation system (while I watched golf on TV!). What a blessing they have been to me. I have certainly disrupted their lives but they never seem put out. This chapter of my life has been so much more bearable because of their unselfish love for me. My sister, Debbie, and I agreed a while back that this journey of mine was not just about me and not just about the tumor. There's a whole lot of healing going on!

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"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

- Romans 8:28

The Place to Be

"The safest place to be

is in the center of God's will." -LFS

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I met with Dr. Cohen tonight and she was amazed at how good I look and she told me I am doing better than most who undergo this. I am confident that this is because of these factors : My faith, my healthy diet, a peaceful & healing environment, prayers from so many people, thankfulness, and finally the knowledge that all things are indeed happening with perfection, according to His plan.

Feeling good!

Just wanted to share real quick that I felt really good all day yesterday ~ didn't even need to take a nap! I went to a salon and had my hair cut and to Target for a couple new skirts:) And, this morning I feel good too! I am about to leave to pick Mary O'Brien up at the airport. I'm smiling, can you feel it?

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"Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." -Matthew 7:7,8

His will revealed :)

If you have been keeping up with my blogs, you will know I have been desperate to know about God's will for me through this journey (Crumbs for Thought, May 15th)... and amazing grace, He answered me today! In two of my devotionals and then through a phone conversation with a dear friend.

Oswald Chambers said:

"God is the source of your will, therefore you are able to work out His will.

* * *

God not only expects me to do His will, but He is in me to do it."

* * *

Lucille Fern Sollenberger wrote:

"When we learn what the Bible says about God's will and we are willing to obey it, God will guide us when we ask Him."

* *

and as my Psalm reading from this morning said 'I heard you, Denise'..:

"For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping."

* * *

God's will for me, at this point in my life, is to write and to seek Him and to share my journey. Whether I suffer, whether He chooses to heal me, is still unknown. It is just a wonderful thing to know in my soul that He is using me and guiding me today, He is the source of my will ~ ooh I love that!

Lots of questions

"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, for to You I will pray. My voice You shall hear in the morning O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up." -Psalm 5:1-3

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"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." -I Peter 5:6,7

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There are times when I question my own faith, I wonder if God thinks I am transparent, do I seek Him with selfish motives? {heal me, save me, hear me} Don't we all seek Him with selfish motives? ... the desire to live eternally, can't get more selfish than that! Nevertheless, I will continue to look up, continue to dig into His word, continue to try and understand His will for me ~ what else do I have? I cannot save myself physically or spiritually. My faith is a choice and I choose to believe that He cares for me and in due time He will reveal all that I so desire to know.

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This post is proof that I have too much thinking time!

Prayer for endurance

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence which has great reward.

For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise. " -Hebrews 10:35,36

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(And the promise is...)

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"For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." -Hebrews 13:5

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Oh Lord!, I have need of both endurance and confidence today! I am so, so tired of feeling bad physically and feeling spent emotionally. Renew me, Father. I cry out to You. -(this morning's journal entry)

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My prayer during radiation tonight was for a new glimpse of God's divine plan in this unpleasant phase of my life. I try to remind myself 'all things for good' but I need my confidence renewed to help me hang on with the necessary endurance. Someday I hope to hear Him say "well done" and not "You took the long way home."

Releasing via my fingers...

I really just felt crappy all day, up for an hour, down for two... I have a rash over a lot of my body even my arms and ankles!... and, abdominal pain, and this stupid port just aches and aches, I am so weak I leave a trail of dishes and clothes and hope I will feel like cleaning up after myself before I have to head back to Tucson tomorrow. Poor Zander, he comes to my bedside all excited with a shoe in his mouth hoping this time will be the magic one and I will get up and take him for a walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm hanging in there, just needed to vent.

"God is great, but sometimes life ain't good..."

(a song currently playing on the radio)

home

I am in Sunsites, had a peaceful day, lots of napping while watching golf on TV... sure love it here.