Gracious Uncertainty

I enjoyed the praise and fellowship and hearing God's word in church today. I think there must be healing power in singing old hymns. I am just craving them. Deb said the songs came back to her from her youth in the Baptist Church. It is a blessing to have a friend that is craving the Lord with the same intense passion as I am. We reminisced today about how we met - literally running into each other on 4th of July at least ten years ago. God has been so patient with both of us. We both have been seeking Him for so many years, but our growth was slow as we always had one foot stuck in the muck! Oh, what a continuous strong pull and strong washing it has taken from the Lord... but we see progress and we are both so thankful for His faithfulness and for a friendship that is based around Him.

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"...gracious uncertainty is the mark of a spiritual life. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. ...when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy... leave the whole thing to Him, it is uncertain how He will come in, be He will come. Remain loyal to Him." -Oswald Chambers

I am so grateful, Lord, that You are standing with me in the fire. I continue to stand firm and know that You deliver me IN my troubles, not FROM my troubles. I have confidence in Your power and in Your plan. - Amen.

"How great are His signs,

And how mighty His wonders!

His Kingdom is an everlasting Kingdom,

and His dominion is from generation to generation."

~ Daniel 4:3

Son-shine in Sunsites

"God never gives us anything accidental.. There is nothing easier than getting into a right relationship with God except when it is not God Whom you want but only what He gives." -Oswald Chambers

Am I seeking You, Lord, with a pure heart? Do I seek You with selfish motives?

"Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory now and forever." II Peter 3:18

Selfishness is a human characteristic and especially an American attitude. I know in my own wisdom I am unable to change, but as I read Your wise words, Lord, in Proverbs, in Job, I sense You transforming my selfish nature and gently infusing Your self into my self. Thank You. With an attitude of gratitude. - Amen.

Who Floats Your Boat?

"Who (or what) shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall it be tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?" Romans 8:35

Not only will tribulation not separate us from God's love, it will reveal the depth of it. I was fearful of this truth! I thought life without tribulation would be preferable. I wanted smooth sailing, with my self at the helm. Oh God, I acknowledged that You were the water but I wanted to be the boat (float on my own strength) and I also wanted to be the captain (steer life in my chosen direction). Aah, but You, through this tribulation,have shown me a better way! To let You... be the wind which directs me.... the vessel that keeps me from sinking and the vast ocean that surrounds me with wisdom and power!

I pray this morning for your wisdom and healing power to be extended to Jacy. Help her to come to you in her tribulation. Guide Deb and the Dr.s ~ with the right words, the right diagnosis and peace. Thank You for Your growth, Your plan, for us all. ~Amen.

Morning by morning, new mercies I see....

April 25th -

Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning, new mercies I see.
All that I needeth thy hand hath provided,
Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

I couldn't help by sing this on my run this morning!

"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous: Yes, our Lord is merciful." Psalm 116:5

"Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have seen the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord (He has a plan!) - that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful." - James 5:11

My prayer this morning is first and foremost one of thankfulness. There is no conveying in words how filled I am with newness, refreshment, hope, and yes, even vitality this morning. This can only be from You, Lord - the peace that passes all understanding.

Guide me today as I search for holistic ways to boost my white blood cell count and be pro-active in preparation for treatment. I was trying to force action from my health care providers yesterday and only became frustrated. So, today, I pray I will not be over-looked by them and I trust Your leading in the setting up of appointments. I give it to You, as with Job, You have a plan.

With a grateful heart, this child of Yours says... Amen!

April 24th -

"Pray that your life will reveal what you believe about Christ." -LFS

It's mid-day - I was so excited at Your leading, Lord, to share my journal that I spent a long time 'blogging' this morning. I awoke with such a newness and hope this morning - I felt Your renewing of my spirit, even though my physical body seems toxic after the exam yesterday. This twinge of anger at the Dr, I give over to You, as I renew my oath to let go and to trust You -that You are in control of my wellness. Grant me wisdom in my role in keeping my body prepared for the upcoming treatments. Chase away any fear and replace it with wisdom.

Thank You for the prayers from my loved ones - I feel them and it is so wonderful to know I am loved. May I be a gracious recipient and learn to comfort others with the comfort with which I have been given. Amen.

Happy Birthday Dane!

April 23, 2007

"May my affliction always result in the growth that You have planned for me, Lord." -LFS

O' Lord, what should I have learned today? It was intense digesting the radiology visit. This chapter of my life seems surreal and only because of the peace You have infused in me am I able to digest it without fleeing. The reality is that my time on earth grows shorter every moment and the depth of my experience is more important than the length. Grant me the wisdom to be patient and gracious, to ask wise questions but to trust that You have placed me in competent hands and that You are leading and guiding with my best interest. Help me to know when to push and when to let go - when to be tough and when to cry out to You. Remind me, Father, that all things are happening according to Your divine plan. May the peace that I feel, the knowledge of You radiate to Mom, Paul, Marjie, Deb, Debbie, Mike, Dane, Lyndee, Betty, Shirley and all the health care people I meet. -Amen.

"God observes the different temperaments of men and knows what will work most effectually. God does not deal alike with all. If God does not give you that which you like, He will give you that which you need. " ~All Things for Good p. 52

"This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long!"

To my beloved prayer warriors,... I want you to know~ without a doubt~ that you needn't worry about me only to pray with me and grow with me as I continue on my path to wellness and wholeness. As you all know, I journal every day and with renewed commitment since I found this tumor back in December. Last night I decided to share my prayer journal with you in hopes it will reveal a part of me. I am going to start by sharing four journal entries, written on the 19th of the month, from December until now, in hopes you will see God growing me. (Tons more happened between these writings, but I won't bore you with them all!)

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December 19, 2006...

"Today's message from Lucille Fern Sollenberger is titled 'Nothing is Impossible'. She challenged me to 'pray for faith to submit to God's will, whatever the cost.' Thank you, Lord, for Oswald Chambers and LFS, who lead me and teach me about You. I am going to take baby steps in dealing with this ailment, always seeking peace from you in every step. You will reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it. I am putting this little body I have been blessed with entirely in Your loving hands. I am committed to taking care of it both nutritionally and spiritually and letting go of those things that cause my internal anguish. I am giving them to you, laying them at Your feet - by Your grace- so You can use me. I do not want to be a contradiction in what I say and what I do. Hold my hand, Lord, walk with me, dry my tears, fill me with Your knowledge, love, wellness. Thank You for the journey."

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January 19, 2007

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

"The fear (awe, reverence) of the Lord leads to life, And he who has it will abide in satisfaction: He will not be visited with evil" Proverbs 19:23

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage." Galatians 5:1

"I pray this morning for confidence in my healing. Please Lord, remove my aches, grant me energy and guide my wellness."

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February 19, 2007

"Yesterday was a good day! ... filled with peace and contentedness and hope and the love of God abounded. The Sunsites Community Church was a blessing. Thank You, Lord! And then, a nice round of golf and a dinner of salmon tacos :)"

"Let Christ be magnified in your body - whether by life of death." Phil. 1:19

Take up the whole armor of God:

waist ~ truth

breastplate ~ righteousness

feet ~ gospel of peace

shield ~ faith

helmet ~ salvation

sword ~ spirit (word of God)

Pray always with perseverance ~ Speak boldly about the gospel"... - Eph. 6:11-20

"Let it be evident to everyone that your chains (afflictions) are in Christ - the circumstances of your life are for the furtherance of the gospel." Phil. 1:12 (paraphrased)

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March 19, 2007

"And all things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matt. 21:22

"(If you have faith and do not doubt) 21:21

"if you have faith ... nothing will be impossible for you." Matt. 17:20

"with God, all things are possible." Matt. 19:26

"Lord God, You have shown me that You care about every detail of our lives! It is so awesome to see events and the meeting of people be so intricately woven to produce good, Your will! I trust You to have a hand in the sale of our Inn, in my job at the golf shop, in Lyndee's life, in my wellness, in Mike's salvation... Thank You, Lord!"

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April 19, 2007

"Now acquaint yourself with Him, and be at peace." Job 22:21

"He stirs up the sea with His power, And by His understanding He breaks up the storm. By His spirit He adorned the heavens. His hand pierced the fleeing serpent. Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways, And how small a whisper we hear of Him! But the thunder of His power who can understand?" Job 26:11-14

"I cannot understand the power of You, my God ~ from Your whisper in my heart to the arranging of events in my life."

"For Your mercy is great above the heavens, And Your truth reaches to the clouds." Psalm 108:4

Four months ago I would have been devastated at the thought of chemo and radiation and today I say 'let's get it started - let me fight so I may live' - so I may proclaim how marvelous are Your works, how gracious is Your compassion, how faithful You are to those who seek You! my cup runneth over - with gratitude - with longing to know You even more - with a desire to be Your light - with a knowledge that YOU ARE.... with peace!