One has to wonder why God gives us such strong wills when He desires that we submit to His will? There is certainly no one line answer to that question. Back when I was 19 and in a body cast and recovering from that face smashing, I started journalling and asking "why me?" I knew, somewhere deep within me, that there was a silver lining, a purpose, that I would perhaps become more compassionate. He was beginning the process of making me into "broken bread" even though I had no relationship with Him yet. I remained strong willed and self reliant, but as I look back it was His first tapping on my heart... (perhaps a few crumbs?) I trust that if you are reading this you already know my story of salvation ten years later when Doreen died. I began an earnest relationship with God then, and over the last 20 years I have wanted to feed and nourish others, but I've remained strong willed and self reliant. Some might say these are admirable qualities, I sure thought they were. Tonight I see things differently. My prayer is that my heart is open to God's will, that He will reveal Himself to me and through me. If I appear strong let it be because of Him. There is a song about being 'broken and beautiful', I think I am beginning to grasp the meaning.
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