Refining tears

I didn't do my usual daily reading and Bible study today. We did go to church, which I pretty much cried through. I had been holding in a really good cry, not realizing that I expected to sail through this with dignity and grace because I am fit and I am tough and I trust God and I, I, I... I yi yi yi..... ! Reality check! I hate feeling weak and out of control of my own destiny, I hate people to see me as sick and I hate being pitied. But, reality check #2... It feels really good to have people love me and when I am weak, then He is strong and He wants me to know this and live it, not say I know it. And the refining process continues.....