How is my faith when I am in the valley? Will I continue to praise You and seek You and trust that this is Your plan for me, Lord? It's hard to believe I became so helpless and debilitated in just three days. I feel the poisoning effects of the chemo and not the healing effects, it's hard to see the big picture at this point. I want to believe this is the right way to go but with every pump I hear of the chemo, my body literally cringes, my heart beat becomes irregular, my breathing labored, my head hurts, even my teeth hurt, I am light headed and the list goes on. I understand the zapping of the tumor with the radiation but this chemical killing the strong parts of me just doesn't feel right! Oh Lord You have prepared me for months for this, I cry out to You now to show me a glimpse of the plan, to give me wisdom to remain strong. to see the light at the end of the tunnel, not to fear the tunnel, or how long and dark the tunnel may be. My journal entry yesterday was "Everything Has It's Time" Ecc. 3: 1-8 ... I won't type it all out but it starts with "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..." Use this season in my life, Lord, for Your purpose under heaven, teach me what You want me know. May I stand true to my prayer to not be a contridiction in what I say and what I do. In my life Lord, be glorified.
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